Day 20: Things I am Afraid to Tell You!

I looked at My 30 Day Challenge calendar last week, and I cringed when I realized Day 20 was dedicated to "My Fears." I decided it might just be the best time to join the blog-sphere in sharing the "Things I am Afraid to Tell You."  

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Oh my! What was I thinking? I was not thinking...


I have recently stopped caring about people enough to listen to what they have to say. (I am working on snapping out of this mess)


My self confidence has been eroded majorly this past year, and I know it is because I have been unemployed in the traditional sense for twelve months.  


Starting a small business did not do much to help my self-confidence, because JostWrite is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. However, ironically, I am proud of me.


I get bored rather too quickly, and I am afraid JostWrite might just be one of those things I lose interest in. 


I am sure I want to get married one day, but my heart cringes at the idea of getting married more than it skips with joy at the thought. I do think and hope this would change when I meet the right person. I am currently praying for a desire for marriage.


As friends continue to get engaged, married and have children, I wonder why I lack a desire for marriage. As my 20's comes to an end in a few years, I am thinking "OH SNAP."


I have been in one relationship my entire life and in love once. I have a nagging sense I do not know how to be in a relationship.


I hate hate hate pitching. I would rather sit at home and have my clients come to me. 


I am a carefree and spontaneous person, but after i moved to DC, I became very critical of my decisions and I second guess myself a lot. This was one of the reasons I was glad to move out of DC, I felt I was loosing myself especially the brave and good part of me. 


My decision to move back home to Minneapolis was a good one, because it helped me close out a love chapter I had been reading for 7 years (I pray it is closed for ever), but I am contemplating moving back to DC (Oh Lawdy). I am also beginning to think maybe my move to Minneapolis  was not well thought out.


Some days I hate my hair 


I do not like getting dressed up, and I am happy to walk around in skinny jeans and flats. I am actually the most comfortable in workout pants and flip-flops.


I realized a few months ago that I chose my Masters in Public Health for all the wrong reasons. I did think I had a desire for it. I am in a place where I don't know if I want to do anything with it, and that has kept my job search at a stand still.



I am very prideful and would rather collapse and die than ask anyone for help. In the past year, I have had to learn that I am not an island and people are here to help me. This past 12 months left me questioning a lot, but it made me humbled and vulnerable. (My mom was the first to call me out on this)


I never use to struggle with jealousy, but lately I do. I find myself walking around with a discontent and dissatisfied feeling about my life.


I talk and sing to myself a lot on the streets. People have stopped and given me the weird look too many times than I want to admit. I also find myself acting out scenes while I walk to the train station.


I am freaking scared of driving in a car all by myself. I can drive, but I have never owned a car or license. The first time I went for my driver's licence test, I ran a red light. The second time I got into a stupid argument with the DMV guy, and I have never gone back. 

Some weeks, I go a few days without getting out of bed. I could toss, turn and read a book all day in bed. I did that two weeks ago, and last week I decided to get up and get to work. I feel more like myself now.


It takes a load of motivation for me to do anything on any given day

Beloved, You are Loved Absolutely!


[About 30 Days Challenge]

A Sweet Serving...

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"Be daring, be different, be impractical, be anything that will assert integrity of purpose and imaginative vision against the play-it-safers, the creatures of the commonplace, the slaves of the ordinary."
- Cecil Beaton, fashion photographer

Beloved, You are Loved Absolutely!

Protecting The Best in all of us...

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I was on the train the other day and in waltzed a beautiful woman in her twenties. She was talking intensely on the phone about someone who had annouyed her earlier. She sat down, got off the phone and inserted her right thumb into her month. She sucked on her thumb for the 15 minutes she was on the train, and she sucked it hard.

My first reaction was "What the heck?
My second reaction was to take off my sunglasses and verify that I was not mistaken.
My third reaction after I was sure I was watching an adult suck on her thumb was to take a picture and blast it on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook. I brought out my iPhone, and then, I felt the nudge in my heart to stop and reconsider. A nudge to reconsider the reason why I am comfortable having the world make fun of her "shortcoming." I decided against taking a picture.

The story took a different turn when she got off the train. A few seconds after she got off, she ran back to hold the doors open for another stranger who was running to catch the train. If she had not held the doors open, the stranger would have had to stand for 20 minutes in the blistering sun to get on the next train. Something in my heart shifted especially at the unassuming way she ran back to hold the doors, the joy on her face indicating she was happy to have helped and the joy/relief on the stranger's face. Here was a simple act that indicated to me (not that I was not aware, but I lost sight of it) that she is more than an adult who sucks her finger. 

There is always a best in each and every one of us, and the world would be a better place if we focused on protecting it rather than encouraging others to mock the worst in others. I had no idea what grief or self-esteem issues she encountered growing up with her finger sucking habits, and featuring her on my social media would have done little to build her up or edify myself or anyone else.

Beloved, You are Loved Absolutely!

Kazaxing my Way to the Perfect Booty!

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I discovered Kazaxe, pronounced ka-za-shay yesterday, and I am addicted. Yes, already! 

I have been finding it hard to get out of bed and go running in the mornings. The last time I ran or did any form of exercise was in February. Many months before that, I was already stepping over my precious dumb-bells when I got out of bed. Those were strategically positioned by my bed, but they were failing to attract me to lift.

I mentioned in this post and this post from last week that I am adopting a few action steps to help get my life back on track. One action step I mentioned in this post was getting back to reading, and another action step is getting back to exercising. However, I have been yearning for a different way to exercise, because working out at the gym, lifting weights and running can get repetitive and boring.  I was and still contemplating Crossfit. Danielle of Breakfast at Toast raves about it, but I was yet to gather the time to do some digging into it. I am also still looking to start yoga and/or Pilates.

BUT....

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Last night, my friend and I tried Kazaxe, and we loved it. It is aerobics based workout to dance music from top 40s, Hip-Hop, Salsa, Soca and every fast dance music in the book. My friend's co-worker recommended it to her, and she did not want to go alone. I decided to go with for her first class after much haggling, guilt-trip and pressure, but I am glad I caved in. It is a fun way to exercise. It only cost me $5 to determine if it was worth my time or not. I am sold.

We opted for the 7:40 pm class, and got there for 7pm. True to her co-worker's testimony, the line to get in was long. Everyone was there to Kazaxe: young and old...male and female. I was nervous, because I had not worked out in a long time. One hour after, we had not taken a break (I ran out to fill my water bottle for like a minute), we were drenched in sweat and having fun. The music was loud and kept us excited throughout the hour long class. We and more than 100 people brought sexy back and two stepped our way through squats, sit-ups and lunges. Arms, chest and abdominal exercises were also constantly incorporated. If nothing else, I'm certain my butt would thank me. There is an intense amount of squats and booty exercise to make my mother shy.  After what seemed like an eternity, I looked up at the clock and discovered we were just 20 minutes in, but every part of me was begging for mercy.  I do commend my friend and I for engaging through the entire hour, but we did slow down on how we extended ourselves on and off. We were not trying to win a freaking award. :) 

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After class, I approached the creator and teacher, Asuka Boutcher, and she is a pretty friendly and approachable person. She is also ethereal beautiful with a banging body, if I must add.:)

I had mad fun! It is exactly what I have been dreaming up and looking for in terms of exercise routine. It only cost $5 a class, and you can buy a package (several available) and even share with a friend. You can get a 30 classes pass for $100, and if you go three times a week, you are good for two months and two weeks. Beats any gym membership for me. In addition, the passes never expire! Be gone for a year, and you can slide right back in with your old unused passes. No questions asked.

You all know what to get me for my Birthday on Sunday, July 29th! If you missed it, A 30 classes pass for $100. :)

We are going back on Thursday, and I will be taking pictures.

If you live in the DMV area, you should try a class. Visit the website!

Beloved, You are Loved Absolutely!

Geneveive: A Genevieve Woman Wardrobe Essential II

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Happy Monday.

I hope you had a good weekend. I spent the weekend with my sister and my brother-in-law, and it was a relaxing weekend. I love my sister, she is the best. We are different in every way, but we look alike and we have been mistaken for twins in the past. However, people question if we are from the same parents, because our personalities are extremely black and white.  We have gotten closer over the years, and I actually talk to her everyday at least twice.

Sisters are the best. We spend the weekend cleaning her apartment (thumbs down), talking hair (she is on a hair journey), talking interior decor (they are painting and decorating) and hennaing and cutting  my hair. If you've never tried henna on your hair, I recommend it...I can tell the difference in the strength of my hair just from one application.

I love my sister!

Speaking of sisters, if yours or a sister-friend is always complaining about having nothing to wear, but her closet is full, then you need to direct her to my newest series for Genevieve Magazine online. She might be dealing with a dysfunctional wardrobe. Last week article is the second in a series of articles on what is essential for a woman's wardrobe. The first article was on the shoes.

To read, go to A Genevieve Woman Wardrobe Essential: The Clothes

Have a fabulous day!

Beloved, You are Loved Absolutely!

Day 19: Five Items I Lust After

It is Friday again, and I am continuing The 30 Day Challenge. This challenge has expanded past 30 days and well into more than a year. :) Oh well,  I actually like this pace, but I wonder what I willl fill Fridays with after this challenge is all said and done. :)

This week is all about five items I am lusting after.

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A motorbike: I have always dreamed of owning a motorbike. I love the look, feel, sound and smell of them. I know just a few things about motorbikes. I am certainly no expert, but I do talk about saving up for one, but I never get to it. However, one thing I do know and say is, before I die I will own a motorbike.

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A Camera: I am rooting for a really good one. I have this desire to take pictures of my surrounding, and most times my iPhone will not do. I am hoping I can purchase one soon. The only let down is, they can be a burden to carry around.

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Adobe Photoshop Elements: Going along with my desire for camera, I desire to own Photoshop. I will settle for Elements at this moment. I am not even yearning for the complete Adobe Creative Suite. It would work well with the vision I have for my blog moving forward. I used it a lot professionally in the past, but I might have to take a class or two to catch up or maybe not.

A state of the art kitchen: My next favorite place in any house after the bathroom is the kitchen. I enjoy kitchen and cooking. One of my dreams is to have a kitchen that has every tool I would ever need or want to make any meal.

A Trip: This is not necessarily an item, but I am yearning to travel more lately. My finances are not friendly, but a girl can dream. At the top of my head is Italy, Paris, Morocco or somewhere in East Asia. If I was to choose a local destination, I will go for San Diego or San Francisco California. I am sure you all are more than familiar with this list already. :)

In other news, the meeting I mentioned in yesterday's post went really well, and I gained a new client. A long term and flexible client too. I am really glad I woke up this week and got back to pitching, connecting and working. It is a national non-profit based out of Denver, Colorado, and I am excited for all we talked about yesterday. We will be working on a term of agreement next week. This feels good. This feels really good. I am so thankful to God.

I am actually working on another pitch...wish me luck!

Beloved, You are Loved Absolutely!

[About 30 Days Challenge]

Currently Reading...

 

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I mentioned in this post and also this post that I have decided to disbelieve the lies in my head that "nothing good will ever happen" and that "I have no skills or talent to offer." These lies had led me to stop pitching, working, writing and connecting like I should.


I am choosing to believe Christ when He says "He is working all things together for my good."

One other thing I dumped at the wayside in my season of inaction was reading. I had the desire to read, but no energy or motivation. That was weird for me, because I am a voracious reader.

I also mentioned in my post on Tuesday that I have decided to take some action steps to help eliminate inaction and oppose these lies. One step is to get back to reading and reading a lot. When I read, I generate ideas and write better. That means I need to get back on my 2012 Reading List, because I am performing woefully as it is. :(

I am currently reading "Produced by Faith" by DeVon Franklin and "How Laziness Saved my Life" by Okechukwu Ofili.

I actually finished "Produced by Faith" last night; it is an inspiring book and it speaks a lot to the season of life I find myself. Thus, I am going to make it my second bible for the next few weeks or months. I will be going through each sentence, paragraph and chapter step by step...meditating and reflecting as I re-read through.

I started "How Laziness Saved my Life" last night. It was written by a new friend I met in the social media world, and I am rooting for him. He is not only an ambitious personality, but a passionate and brave one.  I have posted one or two posts about his new book, and I am excited to read it. I will also be interviewing him for Genevieve Magazine Online...I need to finish the book so I can get some interesting questions and conversation going.

In other news and as I get back into action, I am meeting with a potential client later today, a fun non-profit based in Washington DC. I am excited, and I feel more like myself this week. Wish me luck!

Beloved, You are Loved Absolutely!

Genevieve: Interview with Abimbola Dare, Author of The Small Print.

[Abimbola Dare]

I had the pleasure of interviewing the lovely Abimbola Dare, author of The Small Print for Genevieve Magazine online. She is such a pleasure to converse with, and she is indeed passionate about what she writes and does.

I was awed when I learned that she listened and obeyed God by deleting a 50,000 words romantic manuscript to write what has now been published as The Small Print. I would crumble and murmur for a long time before I take that step of obedience and faith. I might even question why I had to delete it...couldn't I just save it and still write The Small Print? Maybe that is why I am not the author of The Small Print. Gosh...that is my heart revealed. :)

Her obedience was rewarded. She is a first time author, and I envision more coming from her.

To read my interview with her, go to Interview with Abimbola Dare, Author of The Small Print.

Beloved, You are Loved Absolutely!

Taking Action Today

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If you read my post yesterday, you probably detected that I was in a funky place, and I had been for a while. There are so many things I'm afraid to tell you even as many bloggers, thanks to Jess Constable, ran free with that theme in the past few months.   Reading what others are afraid of enabled me to come face to face with my struggles as a woman and entrepreneur. It also helped me realize that we are all walking the path of creating our lives individually and collectively. There truly is nothing new under the sun.

I have thought about writing my own "Things I am Afraid to Tell You" post, but I chickened out, and I am still not ready. It is titled that dramatic header for a reason...:) Scary huh?

I mentioned yesterday that I had let fear and insecurity bully me into inaction, because I believed the lie that nothing good was ever going to happen...so why do something? Taking it a step further and deeper, I let the lie grow into "I have no talent or skills to offer." It was okay when these lies surfaced in the past, and I got to work to prove that good things happen and my talents and skills were been put to use.

However, I had stopped taking control of my thoughts lately, and I had let the lies take deeper root and led to inaction. I stopped pitching. I stopped writing like I should. I stopped blogging with all my heart. And as the projects I was working on came to their end, other projects were not emerging because I had stopped working, pitching and connecting. As I type this, I laugh because I was working on projects that I had pitched and earned while these lies were taking roots and building homes in my mind. Ironic!

Yesterday, I decided enough was enough. There is nothing more fruitless than doing nothing and getting angry, frustrated or depressed when nothing happens. I decided to take back my life and take it back by combining my faith with work. I am getting off my stinky butt yet again and committing to action. I seem to hang around this theme of slacking and then re-awakening alot, because I am much more joyful when I am writing, pitching and connecting. I am not sure why I always run from the very thing that brings me joy.

I have lined up a few action steps and pitch ideas for this month. I am rooting for me.
It is definitely a thousand miles journey, but each step I take gets me closer. 

Beloved, You are Loved Absolutely!

Fear is a Liar!



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My life lately is characterized by fear not faith.
I am afraid that I have nothing to offer. I have recently embodied the lie born of insecurity that nothing good is ever going to happen. Deep down, I am aware that this is a lie, because the Word of God says "He works all things together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose," but ironically, also deep down...I believe the lie that I will not amount to anything.

Lie, fears and insecurity always lead to two things...inaction and/or action
Inaction: not doing anything, because I am scared and without faith
Action: Doing everything that is wrong and nothing that I am called to do

For me, I lean towards inaction when I let lies, fears and insecurity take over my life. I would rather do nothing, lay in bed, toss and turn all day, complain, murmur and cry, because in my heart I have accepted and believed the lie that I can acheive nothing or do nothing or be nothing, so why do something. Nothing happens when nothing is being done...so nothing is happening!

However, regardless of my tendency to lean towards inaction, I want to be willing to risk, to be brave, to be strong, to be courageous, to trust, to chose faith, to be righteous and holy, to believe that God is good and his plans for me are bigger than my dreams for myself. I want to pick up my pen and write with courage and confidence.

I call fear out as a liar. On His truth I stand:

"Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand."
Isaiah 41:10

How do you respond to fear?

Beloved, You are Loved Absolutely!

Genevieve: A Genevieve Woman Wardrobe Essential

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I am working on a women wardrobe essential series on genevieveng.com.
This week is all about the basic shoes women need for their wardrobe and everything beyond the basic.

To read, go to A Genevieve Woman Wardrobe Essential: The Shoes

Beloved, You are Loved Absolutely!

Which Lazy Picture Is The Most Creative?

Help decide the winner of ofilispeaks.com laziness photo-contest. The winner gets $300 (or a blackberry 9930) while the runner up gets $200 (or an Amazon Kindle fire). All you have to do is take a picture with Ofili's latest book "How Laziness Saved My Life" at work doing something lazy. Hurry...voting ends July 12th at 12 midnight (WAT). Click http://bit.ly/lazycontest to place your vote now by simply hitting the LIKE button.

Visit http://bit.ly/lazycontest to see more pictures and select the winner by simply hitting the LIKE button.

To grab a copy of the book and see what the fuss is about:

visit http://ofilispeaks.com/read-book or go to the following bookstores: Silverbird Lifestyle-Victoria Island; The Hub Media Store-Victoria Island; TerraKulture-Victoria Island; Patabah-Surulere; Shoprite Alausa-Ikeja; Quintessence-Ikoyi; Debonair Book Store-Yaba  and Alpha Smart- Allen Avenue. Residents of Abuja and Portharcourt can buy at the Silverbird malls in their respective cities.

Ofili is a motivational speaker, author, success coach and entrepreneur who blogs daily about his life, success and entrepreneurial skills. You can follow him on Twitter http://twitter.com/ofilispeaks, subscribe to his Facebook Page at http://www.facebook.com/ofilispeaks and subscribe to his blog at http://mad.ly/signups/53257/join for dope success tips.

Beloved, You are Loved Absolutely!

It Started With Brunch...

Guess who took last week off? Your's truly.

With the exception of two classes on Monday, a writing project and a few calls to some clients, I basically did nothing last week, but partied. I don't feel guilty, because I needed to get out of the house and I have not taken the time to have fun in forever.

It started out on Saturday with brunch.

My girlfriend and I went to brunch on Saturday morning and ended at a block party where I met some great people, clicked wine glasses and ate junk. I got home at 2am.

Block Party: Amazing peeps!

On Sunday, I screamed my lungs to death at a Euro Cup final game party, even though Italy was dominated...I had fun. We took the party to the pool, and I got home at 1am.

Relaxing after Euro Final and Pool Party.

I took a break from fun on Monday and Tuesday to go to class and work on a writing project. My July 4th was spent relaxing at home in the morning and off to celebrate Independence Day with some friends. The night was complete with food, drinks, dance, laughter, fireworks and dance. I got home at almost 2am.

Partying on a boat on July 4th!

I did nothing, yes, not a thing on Thursday (I watched the movie Get Smart. On Friday, I headed out to the International Club DC All-White Summer Soiree networking event and danced the night away to a latin jazz band on the Embassy Row rooftop. I got home at...wait for it...4am! (Cover face) lol!

White Night in Havana

Saturday was spent with my sister and her husband, he watched a basket-ball game while my sister and I watched Something New and The Best Man. We knew almost all the lines, which indicated that we needed to get a life. :) I also got to shop in her wardrobe. I scored some treasures, I am super excited to wear the stuff especially a super duper ballroom dress that I could not afford without her. My sister and mom have always had expensive and good taste; I am the anomaly. I got the vintage piece below from her and wore it to church last night.

A necklace I shopped from my sister's collection.

My July 4th week aftermath has me with a few things to catch up on including writing projects, blogging and job search. I have met some really nice and cool people, but work is beckoning. I am actually back on schedule today, thus the week off was a good thing. ;)

I hope you all had a wonderful 4th of July celebration and weekend.
I did!

Beloved, You are Loved Absolutely!

Happy 4th of July!



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Have a wonderful Independence Day and stay cool.
I am off to the Waterfront to party on a yatch and watch the fireworks tonight with some friends.

Remember absolute freedom is found only in Christ!


Beloved, You are Loved Absolutely!

The blog has a new look...

"A Thousand Miles...The First Steps" has a new header and background.
I like the clean look, and the aesthetic connection to the JostWrite website.
The message in the header reflects the direction I am going.
And yes, those are my feet.
Enjoy!

Thanks to Lisa at Elembee.com

Beloved, You are Loved Absolutely!