The Aura of New Challenges...

A new writing project came calling a few weeks ago; this project is new in every sense of the word. After I have written for different kinds of clients, experience fear on many levels and made my share of mistakes, you would think I'll be adjusted to getting calls from new clients or for a different kind of project. 

However, my first reaction to every call, email, text or face to face conversation about a new project is a leap in my chest that signifies fear and anxiety. This leap is ALWAYS accompanied by one question "Can I do this?" It is like I'm not settled and confident in my writing like I use to be. This is a residual feeling from struggling with self identity and confidence issue in the past three years. Even as I rise out of that messy phase, the feelings still linger, and I have had to choose.

I have had to choose to do what I am afraid to do. Lately, I am choosing to do the things that jolt my heart and make my pits sweat. If I want to get what I've never got, I have got to do somethings I've never done. I accepted the project not because the fear in my heart diminished, but because I know I can do it regardless of what fear says. It would require hard work and burning the midnight candle, but I am going to get it. 

What is one thing you are always afraid to do but do anyways?

Beloved, You are Loved Absolutely!
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Thought For The Week...

I am excited for my birthday later this summer. I turn the Big 3-0. I have always been excited about aging, with the exception of the year I was going from 24 to 25.  I hated it, but historically, I love getting older and announcing my age. Weird much, I know. :) As I look forward to turning 30 later this summer, I have some underlying fears I am working through...like "OMG, my eggs are supposdely depreciating." Lol!

Age should not always be a limitation. 

No matter how old we get...there is something we can give. There is someone we can help. There are people to serve. Dreams can be birthed in many forms, and it is okay to evolve. Oh, and there are children you can adopt and foster!

This is the thought I am taking with me this week and as I look forward to turning 30. Yippee!

Beloved, You are Loved Absolutely!

Around Here Lately // Business & Pleasure

I have been combining work and fun a lot lately. I was at the Association of Meeting Planners (AMPs) summer bash earlier this week, and a few of us decided to take the after party somewhere else. I love what I do right now; it is a good combination of my strengths. Work and pleasure can be done together well. :)

In other news, I am currently...

Watching...the first season of "How I Met Your Mother." 

Enjoying...Collie Colbert's "Little Things"  

Planning...my 30th birthday fete. Yay! I love getting older and this is a milestone.

Excited for...for a beach vacation later this summer and a friend hopefully coming to visit soon. 

Cooking...nothing. I let my mom run the kitchen lately.

Pinning...nothing recently, but I am definitely pining (to yearn deeply) for a gorgeous man I recently connected with. :) *wink*

Inspired by...Christine Caine's Undaunted

Remembering..."Now the Lord was gracious to Sarah as he had said, and the Lord did for Sarah what he had promised  Sarah became pregnant and bore a son to Abraham in his old age, at the very time God had promised him." (Genesis 21: 1-2)

Beloved, You are Loved Absolutely! 

A Dedication to Friendships, Forgiveness and Trust

 
I met Leslie about three years ago through her fiancé, now hubby, Okey. He and I go to church together and served on the same team. I never paid much attention to him until we had a brief discussion one evening while waiting to go into Sunday service. Our small talk shifted to human trafficking and my writing. In the few minutes before the church doors open, I found out he and his fiancee, now wife, Leslie were also passionate about the same issue...so passionate they started a non -profit Making Noise. I later joined the team as a writer and intern coordinator.

Fast forward to three years after, Leslie and I are no longer acquaintances or team members, she has become one of my trusted friends and beloved. I do not believe this would have been possible without a few detours in each of our journeys and dreams. Mine was unemployment, cracked friendships and broken dreams. Hers was unemployment, not matching for medical residency and broken dreams.

I can't tell her story better than she can, but I can tell mine. I have talked about tiny pieces of my unemployment journey on 1000Miles, and I alluded to my cracked friendships in a few posts. However, I could not paint a full picture of these cracked friendships due to a few reasons. One, I was still working through all I was feeling, and two, I wanted to protect my friends. I believe I have worked through reason #1 with God and on my knees, but I may never go into full-blown details, because I love my friends and cherish what we had and have.

In the past year or two, the foundation of a few of my friendships cracked. I stumbled upon some old information, encountered some attitudes and my world was turned inside out.

In the midst of navigating between and through hurt, perspective and trust, I prayed for true friendships. Friendships that involve digging deep with our hands in the mud together. As I struggled with coming to terms with my hurt, the betrayal and all that came with it. I found myself saying "God, I could never trust "her or them" again." And the Still Small Voice responded with "You can't be talking about trust when you haven't dealt with forgiveness. The latter will have to come before the former."

In my head, I thought "Whatever," and in my heart I felt "True." I made up my mind to navigate forgiveness.

When I chose forgiveness, I came to the realization that I have also hurt my friends immensely in ways I was both aware and unaware of. When the feelings of hurt well up, I chose to forgive. When emotions born out of betrayal are aroused, I chose to forgive. When I am angry and can't stand the thoughts I was capable of in my head, I chose to forgive. Sometimes it took saying "I forgive so, so and so" out loud to myself to move on. Choosing to forgive and following it with action was hard, but with each day I chose forgiveness and acted out in the best possible way I knew, I felt the hurt and anger go away. Spending time with my friends became easier, connecting with them was easier and sharing myself little by little was less painful (though I wonder if we would ever find our way back there) A few of my closer friends say I am very secretive, and I believe I am even a little more guarded now.

However, as I watch the power of forgiveness come alive in my life,  I saw God strengthened my other friendships and also opened up the door to new ones. It was like choosing forgiveness brought about three blessings: friendship restoration, stronger friendships and new friendships. I was overwhelmed by the wonderful women I was surrounded by for years, but never had the eyes to see.

Leslie was one of the women in my life who became more than a friend. A big shout out to my girl, my friend, my sister, wife, mother, doctor, 'beast" in the making...Dr. Leslie Oluchi Nwoke. 

I have heard you many times refer to me as your Selah: your breathing, reflecting and quiet moment. Who would have thought that I in all my craziness could be someone's peace? You on the other hand was my strength. We were kindred spirit in the ditch. When I could not dream, you dreamt and when you had no will to push, I saw and felt myself give you a gentle and sometimes hard shove. It was like we were made to struggle together for such a time as this. We have shed tears together and relaxed at Spa World in the nude together. (Fun naked times with my other new friends Azara and LaToya). When I could not reach out to my boos in Philadelphia and Minnesota for strength, I find myself crawling to Christ through you. It has been wonderful walking these hard roads with you. You are my friend in the grind. My friend in the struggle. My friend in the fight. My friend in the ditch. You were my cup of coffee, my prayer partner and a supportive pick-me-upper. I caught a vision of you, and I locked arms with you. You taught me not to over think or over analyze it: "Just Do It," you would say. Just accept the project. Just sign up for it. Just call the client back. Just text him back already. Just go on the date, woman.  You also taught me that it is okay to be interrupted...especially if the interruption was to enable me serve. You taught me that it is okay to step out for love and be vulnerable. Romance is written all over you and Okey, and you both helped me drop a little bit of my guard so I can let "the him" in. :) You taught me that the hunger in me that I let die years ago was and is still okay. Through you, God awakened me. 

You also made me realize that getting a full-time in-house nanny when I marry him and have children is MY way to go. I need my sleep, dear.  I can't be  on a two-hour sleep shift. :) Little Chiedozie is so adorable, but you know everyone thinks he is mine not yours, right? Hahahaha. I am hoping to have a girl soon so they can get married and keep this in the clan. :) Don't tell LaToya!

I am extremely proud of you; I feel like you are my child going off to college. As you move to Atlanta to finally begin your residency, be aware that I will be visiting a lot to kiss my lil Dodo.  I pray that all the desires, dreams and hunger within you will be filled. 

NOW, go be beastly, Lesboobooboobooboo! :)

Beloved, You are Loved Absolutely!
 

All About Hair...

Hair has been on my mind lately. 
I have been wearing my natural curls/coils for about ten years, and I have worn it short as an Afro 99% of those ten years. Lately I have been yearning to do something different with my hair: cut it all off, color it red, grow it out... the possibilities are endless. 

I have looked like this for about two months now.

However, I miss my 'fro badly, but...

I am thinking about this...

... and this!

Which hairstyle are you yearning for this season?

Beloved, You are Loved Absolutely!
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Slowly, but Surely...

Forgive me for my inconsistent blogging over the past three months; I am going through a phase. A good phase! I have a lot going on and many ideas springing up in my head, but I can't bring myself to settle down. I have a lot to share, but I don't know what I want to share. 

I have not lost my passion and love for blogging or writing, but lately there is a part of me that is holding back. I was never gung-ho about sharing a full picture of my personal life on 1000Miles, but lately I find myself holding back more and more. That was a good excuse for me to keep pushing back on staying consistent on here.

However, I miss blogging. I wake up each morning, and it is on my mind. I read other blogs and desire to write. I am still not sure of a direction, but maybe it is time to just start blogging again. What that direction/focus would be, I do not know...I just have to start. Take the steps. 

While I wrestle through that, I am excited to let you know that I moved a 1000Miles, to Bloglovin' in preparation for the death of Google Reader. Please follow me here or you can click on the Bloglovin' follow icon on the right side of this page. 

Beloved, You are Loved Absolutely!

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I KNOW...I Need to get Back to Blogging

I will be back SOON!

Life is happening!

So much to share!

Beloved, You are Loved Absolutely!

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